Sales Man Up
I Am A Recovering Perfectionist
If you have trouble figuring out whether you have a problem with perfectionism, you might find answering the following questions helpful:
- Do I have trouble meeting my own standards?
- Do I often feel frustrated, depressed, anxious, or angry while trying to meet my standards?
- Have I been told that my standards are too high?
- Do my standards get in my own way? For example, do they make it difficult for me to meet deadlines, finish a task, trust others, or do anything spontaneously?
- If you answered “Yes” to any of these questions you may have a problem with perfectionism.
- ( see “Overcoming Perfectionism” @ https://www.anxietycanada.com/adults/how-overcome-perfectionism )
I am a recovering perfectionist. “Nobody’s perfect”,they say; but I’ve tried anyway, partly due to my upbringing. Those of us who grew up in perfectionistic homes learned this type of behavior in order to survive, and it is hard to unlearn even as an adult.
We can end up developing an overactive sense of responsibility, trying to own things that are not ours to own. We fall into perfectionism because we yearn for validation and acceptance. Some grow up in seemingly “perfect “ homes with both parents engaged and involved in their lives; yet even these folks can struggle with latent patterns of perfectionism, because there was always an underlying unspoken expectation of performance in everything they did. I heard an example of this from my friend who played basketball throughout his high school years. During one key game, he missed a foul shot , causing his JV Team to lose. Adding to the pressure was the fact that both of his parents were coaches. He skulked home , feeling terrible for missing that shot; and was doing his homework in the living room when his parents arrived home. Did they seek to console or encourage him like many parents would ? No, they shamed him further, and scolded him for doing his homework instead of being outside practicing his free throw shots! It’s been over thirty plus years, and my friend STILL remembers that night!
So what does this have to do with sales, marketing or business ? Little boys and girls that struggled through their childhood in the home of a perfectionist grow up to be salespeople, managers, and VP’s of companies. And we bring that mindset into those positions.
This manifests as an operating system in our lives , telling us, “it’s never good enough. “ A perfectionist parent will see and criticize our child for the one patch of weeds they missed in the flower bed ( been there, done that ). The perfectionist manager will fall into criticism and micromanagement of their team. A perfectionist sales rep is never satisfied with their performance and tends to constantly compare themselves with others. At the end of the day, we end up pushing people away because they can never meet our expectations, because we cannot live up to our own.
So how do we change? How do we overcome perfectionism? The first step is to honestly and openly admit to ourselves that there is a problem. It is vital for us to acknowledge that our perfectionism is causing pain and suffering both to ourselves and to others. Second, we must recognize and identify the coping habits and behaviors associated with perfectionism, and decide to change them. I believe part of this is learning to let go of the small things and looking at the bigger picture. I may not check off all of the boxes on my “ To Do” list or return every email. It’s ok. Tomorrow is a new day! Lastly, exercise compassion, both to ourselves and to others. Letting go of perfectionism doesn’t mean forsaking the pursuit of excellence. It is not an excuse for sloppiness or being lazy. It does mean never exalting the task above the person. Give yourself and others a “ Get out of jail free card”, remembering that blessed are the merciful, for they shall receive mercy!
It's not about finding relevance or perfection or imperfection in objects, but it's that you can accept yourself and then go out and accept others. - Jeff Koons
