Being Thankful

SalesManUp

About Thanksgiving

Thanksgiving is a time of togetherness and gratitude.
- Nigel Hamilton

Gratitude can transform common days into thanksgivings, turn routine jobs into joy, and change ordinary opportunities into blessings.   - William Arthur Ward

With the celebrated holiday of Thanksgiving being upon us, I feel compelled to share a brief excerpt from a book called, "The Light and The Glory “ ( actually this is a summary, as written by Dr. James Sutton in “Windows II…) of America’s First Thanksgiving .

“ Although the bounty of the summer of 1621 brought a time of heartfelt gratitude ( the first Thanksgiving ), the Pilgrims’ obligation to repay the backers who had financed their voyage left them dangerously close to starvation. Food stores had all but disappeared.

At one point, a daily ration of food for a Pilgrim was 5 kernels of corn. With a simple faith that God would sustain them, no matter what, they pulled through. History records that not a single one of them died from starvation that winter. Not a one.

The harvest of 1623 brought a surplus of corn, so much that the Pilgrims were able to help out the Indians for a change. So joyous were they that they celebrated a second day of Thanksgiving and again invited Massasoit ( Indian Chief ) to be their guest.

He came, bringing with him his wife, several other chiefs and 120 braves. All sat down to a feast of 12 venison, 6 goats, 50 hogs and pigs, numerous turkeys, vegetables, grapes, nuts, plums, puddings and pies.  But , lest anyone forget, all were given their first course on an empty plate.
They were each given 5 kernels of corn. “

Author Melody Beattie wrote, “ Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life. It turns what we have into enough, and more. It turns denial into acceptance, chaos to order, confusion to clarity. It can turn a meal into a feast, a house into a home, a stranger into a friend.” Some of the great motivators of the past launched the thought that we should develop an “ attitude of gratitude.” Did you ever notice that thankful people are usually the most pleasant people to be around ? There is an aura of humility and appreciation surrounding those who give thanks for who they are and what they have. Whiners and complainers, on the other hand, are usually people we would prefer to avoid. It doesn’t mean that we don't ever face discouragement or tough circumstances, but we choose to be thankful.

And if we are blessed to be in a place of abundance in our lives, so that we have more than enough to meet our own needs ? Then this is a good time to reflect on how we can share that abundance with those in need. It is imperative that we remember the lean times, the tough seasons, the no-commission months ; and the oven -is-broken-down -and-we -are -still -using -the -toaster-oven times. It is a season of lack and lessons. This too shall pass. We cannot forget our challenges though, because they fuel the spirit of appreciation for our blessings. What do your five kernels of corn represent for you ?


“ Be thankful for what you have; you’ll end up having more. If you concentrate on what you don’t have, you will never, ever have enough. “  -  Oprah Winfrey

The Importance of Being Genuine

Sales Man Up Blog

The Importance of Being Genuine

Learn to be quiet enough to hear the genuine within yourself so that you can hear it in others.        -  Marian Wright Edelman

You need to believe in yourself and what you do. Be tenacious and genuine.
Christian Louboutin

Deep down, no one wants to come across as being fake. At least that has been by experience as a sales professional. But what does it mean to be truly genuine ? I found in my research for this blog, it was easier to start with what being genuine is NOT. Bear with me as this is sort of like a verbal parallel parking, where we pull up next to the car in front, before we start backing up and cutting the wheels. The word that surfaced as an antithesis to genuine was “ spurious”. Not a common word that gets bantered around the office at the water cooler, but a poignant one none- the -less. According to the Noah Webster 1828 dictionary, “Spurious” means, “ Not genuine; not proceeding from the true source ; or from the source pretended ; counterfeit ; false…” Let’s cut the wheels back into the parking space now. So we can conclude with Noah’s assistance , that to be genuine is to be true, real , and not a pretender. No B.S.. No pretense . Just the real deal. They tell it like it is, and don't just say what others may want to hear. Do you know any people like that ? I know a good number of individuals both in and out of the business world that express these qualities, and they are always refreshing to spend time with. With a genuine person, what you see is what you get.

Here's an interesting thing that I have observed - you can’t fake being genuine. One can try to be sincere, but at the end of the day, everyone’s true colors show - especially during times of intense stress and pressure - and what’s really on the inside of us will flow out of us. Shakespeare once wrote, “ To thine own self, be true.” Easier said than done, but important to do, because if we cannot be true with ourselves, then how can we be true with our clients, teammates or family ? I don't mean to wax philosophical here, but I am tackling the proverbial bull by the horns that states we must say or do anything to get the sale. And that my friends is spurious behavior and manipulative at best. If we represent a good company with a good product or service that solves real problems for our clients, then we can walk in truth. We can hold our heads high, knowing that have not slimed anyone.

Keep in mind that being genuine is not synonymous with being passive . Of course we have to ask the questions, and ask for the business ; because the stats say that 80% of sales people never ask !  The key is knowing WHEN to ask. Timing is everything, isn’t it ? Asking a first date how many children they would like to pop out, and what names they have selected for said bambinos just might be a little EARLY within that critical path of relationship building. It might be the death of it before it even begins. We earn the right to ask that closing question, after we have determined our client’s needs, and thoroughly covered how our product or service could potentially meet those needs. Then we ask, shut up, and wait for a response.

People don't care how much we know until they know how much we care. Do we emote this attitude to our prospects and clients ,or even our teammates ? If we do, this is genuineness. This is as much about the journey as it is about the destination. No one wants to feel used - our clients included. Everyone wants to feel appreciated and valued - our clients and even sales people included. We set the pace by being real, being honest, and taking ownership as individuals or as a company when we drop the ball or fall short of the mark. Every time we are real and upfront with our clients, the chain of trust is forged ; and from that trust flows a win/win relationship. I’ve only observed a handful of spurious salespeople during my career ; but I’ve known and been enriched by many genuine ones. Choose to be genuine. Be honest. Be real. It is important, not only to your business, but to the next generation that is watching us oh so closely to see how it's done.

The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you've got it made. - Groucho Marx



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Overcoming Offenses

Sales Man Up Blog

Overcoming Offenses

It is not men’s acts which disturb us - but our reaction to them. Take these away, and anger goes. No wrong act of another can bring shame on you.  - Marcus Aurelius

Have you ever been offended ? Get in line. It seems like being offended by someone or something or some group, has become pandemic. What has taken place within our culture that I get the impression that we constantly have to walk on eggshells lest we come across as a “hater” or some kind of fear monger ? I am concerned about a society that disavows those who speak up with a contrary opinion. Wasn't our nation founded upon the principles of “ unity through diversity” ? Have we forgotten that it is through this diversity, even differences of opinion, belief, and convictions ; from which springs the fountain of our strength?

As business professionals, we cannot afford to wear our feelings on our sleeves. Our expectation of being offended by someone or something can become a self-fulfilling prophecy if we are not cognizant of it . Of course we need to be honest with our feelings and not stuff them. I heard a wise counselor say once that , “ feelings are neither right or wrong, they just are.” It is healthy to acknowledge our feelings , rather than suppress them until they explode in spews of magma like Mount Vesuvius .  I find that when I erupt into a sudden outburst of anger, there is something much deeper going on than the present situation . I have to pause and ask myself some questions like, “what are you really frustrated about ? “ “Is there a situation at home that has you wired ? “ “ How many cups of coffee have you drank today ? “ “ Are you “hangry” ( so hungry that your blood sugar has dropped to point of being angry ) ? “ If I get to the core of what is really bothering me, it seems to adjust the lense of the present challenge . Most of time, we do not know the full story behind the situation that comes across as offensive to us.

While driving south on the Florida Turnpike one morning, heading towards Vero Beach to visit some clients, I found myself in the left hand lane; humming down the road in my trusty Honda Pilot. When out the blue, there was a white car up on my back bumper like a barracuda attacking a school of mullet. This dude was on me like sweet on honey ! I felt my face flush. Heat rose up from my neck. Droplets of sweat popped out of my forehead, along with a few expletives from my mouth, as I eased over towards the right hand lane. Who in the heck did he think he was ? I was already exceeding the speed limit. Why did he need to go faster ?

Still fuming like a tea kettle just removed from the burner on the stove, “ speedy Gonzalez “ raced past me, as I uttered a few more words of disdain. It was then I caught the signage printed in bold letters on the side of his passenger door - “ Organ Donor Transport “.  Ouch ! Well that turned the tables, didn’t it ? Just as sudden as the anger had flared, I felt embarrassed about my bad attitude . There some guy or lady laying in a hospital room, waiting for a heart or liver to arrive so they can live, and I'm angry about having to change lanes on the road ! New information changed the entire scenario. I did not know the whole story. Fact is, NONE of us knows the whole story about another person or situation that we usually become offended over.
A bit more empathy and patience would make this world a much better place to live in.

Have you ever extended your hand to another person, and they either failed to see it or outright rejected it ? I saw this happen recently during a trade show, as one of my team members reached out their hand to a visiting client. He rejected it, but his designer caught it and shook my team member’s hand. Awkward indeed. As the person walked off who had rejected my cohort’s hand ,I thought, “man that was rude. “ This was someone I had just met, yet he was so aloof, and distant and unengaged. I can choose to retain that offense, or I can acknowledge that maybe something was going on there that I did not know about. Possibly he had arthritis in his hand. Maybe he just got off the phone with his wife and they have a challenging issue at home with their kids. Maybe he found out that his budget was cut into thirds. Possibly his doctor just called with no so good news. Or , maybe he’s just a jerk. Not my property . My part is to release that offense and NOT internalize it. Internalizing an offense only hurts me, and sours my attitude towards those who deserve my best !  In order to “ carry “ an offense, we have to put “ handles” on it. Our human nature tends towards holding onto things, and harboring resentment. Bitterness is like drinking poison, hoping it will hurt someone else. Choose to forgive. Throw it out. Let it go.

Not learning to take things personally is a developed skill I know I have to practice continually. We have to remember that It is not about us. It is all about our clients and customers, who have good days and bad days like all people do. Just maybe, with our positive attitude, encouraging actions and a kind word ; we can help our clients overcome their challenges. . By choosing to control our reactions, we learn to live in true freedom.

We should be too big to take offense and too noble to give it. - Abraham Lincoln

Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through experience of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, ambition inspired, and success achieved.
- Helen Keller

Let It Go

The following is an excerpt from a speech given at the Florida School Plant Management Conference in Orlando, October, 2017:

LET. IT. GO.

My father in law was such a disciplined person that whenever he ironed his pajamas on Wednesday night, the poodles would jump into the bathtub, and wait for their baths. JR ( my father-in-law), decided along with my mother-in-law, to stop paying for their poodle grooming. They purchased a pair of electric grooming shears from K mart. That was their first mistake. The second one occurred when they decided to groom Fifi and Peppy on the back porch one late afternoon, as the sun was setting. The results were disastrous ! Poor Fifi had a deep swipe over her left eye, causing her to look like a pirate. Peppy was a mess, looking like he had two tails on his poodle body, because neither of my in laws could bring themselves to trim Peppy’s private parts. The dogs looked so bad, they ended up hiding in the master bedroom whenever anyone came to the door. JR eventually took the clippers back, stating that “ they did not work !”

There is nothing wrong with being adventurous, but sometimes it is better not to try and control everything. As difficult as it can be sometimes, it is wise to let go of some things, and allow others to do what they are good at ( like paying a professional to groom our dogs…) Melodie Beattie supports this thought of letting go, in her book, “ The Language of Letting Go”. She writes, “ Letting go helps us to live in a more peaceful state of mind and helps restore our balance . It allows others to be responsible for themselves and for us to take our hands off situations that do not belong to us. This frees us from unnecessary stress.” It is difficult for us to take our hands off of situations, isn’t it ? Just like my retired neighbor who decided to take it on himself to trim everyone else's shrubbery.

One early morning , while walking in our wooded neighborhood where hawks soar, squirrels scamper up trees, and even an occasional fox trots by; my wife and I spotted one of our retired neighbors walking the half mile circle with a pair of pruning shears in his hand. He would stop in front of an unsuspecting bush which happened to protrude into the road, cut off a sizable branch, drag it to the closest driveway and drop it on the concrete. This amazing behavior took place all around our circle, leaving a trail of dismembered branches and not a few angry neighbors. Though  his intentions were only to “ clean up the place” , he was essentially saying through his actions, “ you guys are doing a terrible job maintaining your yards and common areas ! “ Well that went over like a horse with a kickstand. The irony was , as my wife and I rounded the corner of the development where our pruning neighbor lived, his front yard was filled with vines and overgrowth. You see, it is so much easier to deal with other people’s yards , than to take ownership of our own. How convenient it becomes for me to pull out the pruning shears and start telling others where they need to trim and change, when my own yard … or life, lies in disrepair. This confirms the old wise saying of “ take the plank from your own eye” .

This truth applies in marriage also. Everyone has a different way of doing things, so how do you keep the peace and still get things done ? My wife and I established two rules to live by that have helped save our marriage from excessive conflict. One is , “ Whoever is doing the job is doing it right.” The second is an anecdote for meddling in other people’s business, which simply states, “ That’s not my property.”

My wife doesn’t chop onions the way I do. I don't’ drive in the same manner that she does. We both do some things very different, and this used to be a source of conflict. When one party would voice their concern or disapproval to the other party - BOOM - thunder and lightning baby !  Enter rule number one. If my wife is chopping onions in the kitchen, and I happen to enter to sneak a kiss on her neck ; and begin to voice my opinion about her onion cutting capabilities; she simply recites Rule # 1 : Whoever is doing the job is doing it right. Bam. Point taken. Drop the mic I am officially shut down and shut up. I go my merry way, allow her to slice and dice to her heart’s content ; KNOWING that in the not too distant future, It will be ME reciting Rule # 1 to shut down any criticism. ( probably when I am driving and she is in the passenger seat…) This really works !

Not my property. Three little words that act like a cattle prod jolting a teenager from a Dr Pepper induced sugar coma. Either person in our marriage has permission to pull out this little rule and slap it on the table like an ace up the sleeve. Once you start going down the road of codependency, it is easy to get trapped in the weeds, worrying about this and fretting about that ; or what if this or how about if that happens ? It’s not your property . It’s not my property. Let it go. We take on the burden and stress of situations that we were never destined to carry. Let it go.

Logically, this rule breaks down if you are a manager, because you are paid to help people do things correctly. Understood. There is a difference, though, between encouraging correction and rank perfectionism. Barbara Corkran of “ Shark Tank “ fame says, “ Forget about Perfection. It doesn't exist. “  She reasons that if you can get people to comply with 80% of your goals and guidelines, then you are doing good. Let go of the other 20%. I used to be the perfectionist dad who could see the entire weeded flower bed , yet had to point out the three weeds that were missed.
What we say with that attitude is that it is never good enough- that our kids or our spouse, or our employees can never be good enough to please us. That is insanity ! Yes, we pursue excellence, but we also have to let go of perfection. Our attitude should be one of acceptance instead of judgement and criticism. We cannot attain perfection, so why do we we hold others to a standard that we ourselves fail to achieve ? As Zig Ziglar used to say, “ our attitude determines our altitude in life. “

It is hard letting go of things, isn’t it ? When our hearts, our emotions, or even our reputation is involved ; it is difficult to step back and take our hands off of situations. To find true authenticity in life, we have to walk in truth. Brene Brown refers to this in her book , “ Rising Strong” , when she writes, “ One of the truisms of wholehearted living is, you either walk into your story and own your truth; or you live outside your story, hustling for your worthiness. “

Part of owning our truth is to “ Let Go and Let God.” For me, it has been my faith in a Higher Power - something/ someOne beyond myself - that has enabled me to release things from my life. Bad things. Toxic things. Destructive habits. Harmful relationships. Learning to let go of these things requires power, and I don’t know about you, but I need all of the power I can get. When I let go of harmful things in my life, I let God take the bad and trust Him to replace it with good, peace and hope.

Nothing summarizes this action better than what many call “ The Serenity Prayer” , which goes like this :

God, grant me the serenity ,
To accept the things I cannot change,
Courage to change the things I can,
And the wisdom to know the difference.

What things do you need to change today ? What areas are you trying to control that you need to release and learn to accept ? What feels like a pallet of concrete blocks weighing down on your chest ? Let it go ! Let Go and Let God.

Thank you !