Overcoming Offenses

Sales Man Up Blog

Overcoming Offenses

It is not men’s acts which disturb us - but our reaction to them. Take these away, and anger goes. No wrong act of another can bring shame on you.  - Marcus Aurelius

Have you ever been offended ? Get in line. It seems like being offended by someone or something or some group, has become pandemic. What has taken place within our culture that I get the impression that we constantly have to walk on eggshells lest we come across as a “hater” or some kind of fear monger ? I am concerned about a society that disavows those who speak up with a contrary opinion. Wasn't our nation founded upon the principles of “ unity through diversity” ? Have we forgotten that it is through this diversity, even differences of opinion, belief, and convictions ; from which springs the fountain of our strength?

As business professionals, we cannot afford to wear our feelings on our sleeves. Our expectation of being offended by someone or something can become a self-fulfilling prophecy if we are not cognizant of it . Of course we need to be honest with our feelings and not stuff them. I heard a wise counselor say once that , “ feelings are neither right or wrong, they just are.” It is healthy to acknowledge our feelings , rather than suppress them until they explode in spews of magma like Mount Vesuvius .  I find that when I erupt into a sudden outburst of anger, there is something much deeper going on than the present situation . I have to pause and ask myself some questions like, “what are you really frustrated about ? “ “Is there a situation at home that has you wired ? “ “ How many cups of coffee have you drank today ? “ “ Are you “hangry” ( so hungry that your blood sugar has dropped to point of being angry ) ? “ If I get to the core of what is really bothering me, it seems to adjust the lense of the present challenge . Most of time, we do not know the full story behind the situation that comes across as offensive to us.

While driving south on the Florida Turnpike one morning, heading towards Vero Beach to visit some clients, I found myself in the left hand lane; humming down the road in my trusty Honda Pilot. When out the blue, there was a white car up on my back bumper like a barracuda attacking a school of mullet. This dude was on me like sweet on honey ! I felt my face flush. Heat rose up from my neck. Droplets of sweat popped out of my forehead, along with a few expletives from my mouth, as I eased over towards the right hand lane. Who in the heck did he think he was ? I was already exceeding the speed limit. Why did he need to go faster ?

Still fuming like a tea kettle just removed from the burner on the stove, “ speedy Gonzalez “ raced past me, as I uttered a few more words of disdain. It was then I caught the signage printed in bold letters on the side of his passenger door - “ Organ Donor Transport “.  Ouch ! Well that turned the tables, didn’t it ? Just as sudden as the anger had flared, I felt embarrassed about my bad attitude . There some guy or lady laying in a hospital room, waiting for a heart or liver to arrive so they can live, and I'm angry about having to change lanes on the road ! New information changed the entire scenario. I did not know the whole story. Fact is, NONE of us knows the whole story about another person or situation that we usually become offended over.
A bit more empathy and patience would make this world a much better place to live in.

Have you ever extended your hand to another person, and they either failed to see it or outright rejected it ? I saw this happen recently during a trade show, as one of my team members reached out their hand to a visiting client. He rejected it, but his designer caught it and shook my team member’s hand. Awkward indeed. As the person walked off who had rejected my cohort’s hand ,I thought, “man that was rude. “ This was someone I had just met, yet he was so aloof, and distant and unengaged. I can choose to retain that offense, or I can acknowledge that maybe something was going on there that I did not know about. Possibly he had arthritis in his hand. Maybe he just got off the phone with his wife and they have a challenging issue at home with their kids. Maybe he found out that his budget was cut into thirds. Possibly his doctor just called with no so good news. Or , maybe he’s just a jerk. Not my property . My part is to release that offense and NOT internalize it. Internalizing an offense only hurts me, and sours my attitude towards those who deserve my best !  In order to “ carry “ an offense, we have to put “ handles” on it. Our human nature tends towards holding onto things, and harboring resentment. Bitterness is like drinking poison, hoping it will hurt someone else. Choose to forgive. Throw it out. Let it go.

Not learning to take things personally is a developed skill I know I have to practice continually. We have to remember that It is not about us. It is all about our clients and customers, who have good days and bad days like all people do. Just maybe, with our positive attitude, encouraging actions and a kind word ; we can help our clients overcome their challenges. . By choosing to control our reactions, we learn to live in true freedom.

We should be too big to take offense and too noble to give it. - Abraham Lincoln

Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through experience of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, ambition inspired, and success achieved.
- Helen Keller